My good buddy, Steve, over at “Steve Collins, Funny” (you may remember that he inspired this post) messaged me the other day and was all, “Hey, let’s both write a list of things and they’ll be awesome and everyone will love us.” And, of course, I was all, “HELLS YEAH, BRO!”. (You can find his list here!) Then he told me my topic: 10 things a woman wants in a man. And I’ll be honest…I was a bit stumped. I’ve never really thought about what it is I “want” in a man. I definitely know what I DON’T want in a relationship. So, this one had me really thinking and it was a bit of a challenge. But, I trudged through it, and I’m happy to present to you (my thoughts on) ten things we women want in the men we fancy.
1. Honesty (But Not Too Much And Not All The Time)
Honesty seems like one of those “DUH” type items. Of course we ALL want honesty out of our mates. We want to know they mean it when they say, “I love you” and “No, I didn’t hook up with that waitress at the strip club who followed me to my car, ripped her clothes off, and offered to please me in all the ways you can’t. Not at all.” We not only want honesty, we NEED honesty. Honesty creates a sense of trust and that’s definitely a biggie in all relationships. But honesty is one of those fickle things that’s really, super great, but you can’t have too much of all at one time. Like cake. Cake is awesome. But you gotta space that stuff out. For me, I want a man who’s honest, but knows when not to volunteer too much honesty. It’s all about balance.
2. Shared Interests/Ambitions
Another obvious one. We have to have something in common if it’s going to work. For me, you’ve got to feel me on a creative level. If you can’t get into my headspace and feel my soul through my music, writing, art, ect, it’s going to be hard for me to connect with you. In the same way, we have to share our ambitions and they need to line up together. For our relationship to work, we’ve got to want the same things in life. There are already plenty of things to argue about when you’re in a relationship with someone. Arguing about jobs, finances, kids (or no kids), ect doesn’t absolutely HAVE to be some of those things.
3. A Decent Sense Of Humor
You don’t have to be Dave Chappelle, but you gotta be able to have a laugh at yourself and see the humor around you. Life is funny. And it’s usually funniest when it’s difficult and you feel like giving up. That’s when I need a guy who can see the humor in the situation and is willing to attempt to lighten the mood. And again, you don’t *have* to be clever or witty. Just be open to laughter, and the rest will work itself out.
And along with that humor, comes a sense of humility. Nothing turns me off more than an overly proud person. Being proud of what you’ve accomplished in life and who you’ve become is fine. But basing your interactions with others on that pride is disgusting. If you think you’re “hot shit”, I’m not going to. Be confident, but don’t be a dick. Know where that line is. And know how to accept you aren’t perfect and sometimes you mess up too. If we can both apologize when we’ve flubbed up, we can work through any relationship obstacle.
Heads up, menfolk: I (and a lot of women) want you to have some freaking BALLS. Shortly after we got married, Mr. T (my husband), nearly beat the face in of a douchebag that called me a “whore” at a wedding, because we had prior beef and he was a Super Christian and I was a chick that got knocked up before getting married. Mr. T got wind of it, followed the coward to his car, and made it clear he could make his insides be on the outside if he wanted to. Super Christian hid out in his car the rest of the wedding reception and Mr. T won so much of my respect for it. It’s not about violence, though. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s about not being afraid to stand up for what you believe in and who you love, even if the person you’re standing up to is bigger than you. (Super Christian was bigger than Mr. T) Have some balls, fellas.
Please, just BELIEVE in something. Believe in God, or believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or believe in volunteering, or believe in helping out your fellow man, or believe in eating potato chips all day. Just believe in SOMETHING! I want a man who has passion and IS passionate. Convictions lead me to believe there’s more going on inside that head of yours than the next time you get to “get it in”.
Maybe not for all women, but this is a big one for me. I’ve got to know you have the ability to love your fellow man. Every time Mr. T tells me he gave $20 to a homeless guy on the way home, I don’t chide him for it. I LOVE him for it. It doesn’t matter to us how that guy/girl will use that money. All that matters to me is that Mr. T had compassion for that person, and acted out of that compassion. You’ve gotta love others, man. You gotta.
8. A Sense Of Responsibility
Maybe it’s just me, but I want a man who understands how to be responsible with his time, finances, resources, and his general existence (hello, hygiene!). I’m a tough ol’ bird and I know how to work hard and get shit done. I need the same in a man. I want a man who can wake up on time, take care of business, and handle what’s on his plate so I don’t have to. I like the idea that I have to handle my end of things and the man I’m with can handle his things, without having to be reminded (or “nagged”) to do so.
9. An Understanding of The Importance of Equality
Hey, boy, hey. Check your sexism at the door. If I pick up on even a hint of sexism, the conversation is over. I’m not asking you to put me on a pedestal, no more than I’m asking you to make all my decisions for me. I’m asking you to see me as an equally intelligent, important, and valuable creature. This one is a super deal breaker, boys.
Finally, I need a man who can be vulnerable; a guy who can look me in the eye and open up about his feelings. Yeah, I know, that’s asking a lot of some men, but it’s just the way it is. If I like (or love) you, I need to be able to connect with you, and know you trust me enough to give me the preciousness of your innermost thoughts and feelings. And I know that’s scary. It’s scary for us women too, actually. But connecting with someone because you share vulnerable moments together creates an intimacy that can not be matched. So be vulnerable sometimes.
These are just my ten, and maybe you have a few qualms with this list, or a few more you’d like to add. If so, feel free to comment your suggestions, or share your thoughts on what I’ve got here so far. Because communication kicks ass. So let’s have us some conversation.
And check out Steve’s list of “I Like That In A Woman“, his list of 10 things he values in a female companion.